With this Independence Day coming up I invite you to declare and practice another type of freedom. Freedom from love dependency. For many psychological and sociological reasons we are raised under a false premise. The premise states that love in our lives comes from others. It is reinforced from birth and is found everywhere we look. And that idea is one of the major factors leading to a lack of relationship fulfillment, rising divorce rates, cheating, and personal discourse.
Of course receiving love from others is great and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But the premise that love only comes from others is the one that needs to be amended. Truth is the only way to receive love from others is to first and foremost learn to love yourself! When you do not love yourself, you cannot possibly accept love from someone else. Furthermore, you will always find yourself in a position of dependency. And when others don’t provide the amount or type of love you expect you will feel bad, they will feel bad and troubles start.
This isn’t about sex but even from that perspective this is relevant. Any sex guide/therapist will tell you that you need to explore on your own to know what feels right for you before engaging with a partner. You need to learn your body, which “buttons” to touch, how long things take and then work with your partner and guide them.
Loving yourself is essential! Anything that you wish to accomplish in life is rooted in self-love’s fertile soil. For instance, if you don’t love yourself, you won’t invest in your health and stick to dietary changes or workout regimen. If you do not love yourself, you won’t stand strong in the face of ever-changing conditions. Any bully, any word, any lack of respect will have a tendency to affect you.
So love yourself as if your life depended on it because it really does! And if you aren’t sure how to start here are some tips to get you on your way:
- Look in the mirror and instead of focusing on that gray hair, or the number of pounds you need to lose, or the million other things you could find wrong with yourself – find 10 that are right! And then say them out loud. For instance, “I love your eyes”, or “I love how even after all these years and children, you still look damn good!” or just look straight through your eyes into your soul and say “I Love You!” and then accept it!
- Stop being your own harshest critic and switch into being your own biggest fan. We are so critical of ourselves that if we were to document how we talk to us throughout the day we would be horrified. When we talk, we listen remember that! There is no filter, there is no “this dude is an idiot and he doesn’t understand me”. It is us so everything gets through! Thus next time you find yourself browbeating yourself, stop it and mentally or physically hug yourself and offer a kind word instead!
- Write down a list of all the awesome things about you and look at it before you go to bed and when you awake. That way you are always reminded of love you have in your life for you! Because you truly, no doubt about it, 100% accurate, scientifically verifiably awesome!
So here’s to you! Enjoy Independence Day, raise your glass to America and to your own Love Independence!